I often hear people outside of education saying “children aren’t stressed – what do they have to be stressed about? What do they want to get away from?"
This has made me look more closely at stress, success and behaviour. Since the dawn of man there has been stress and success but over time what causes stress and what is deemed success has changed. We no longer worry about being eaten by a Sabre-tooth tiger as we try to catch our dinner but we do all have stress within our lives whether we are 9 months or 90 years old. I came across this wonderful quote;
So, what is stress? When is it positive and when is it negative?
“Stress is quite simply the biological and physiological response experienced by a person on encountering a threat that we feel we did not have the resources to deal with.”
Stress is quite simply when we put our bodies, or we put children, in a situation that makes them uncomfortable. This being said there are many times, when managed properly, stress can be a highly positive experience.
For stress to be positive it should be supported and controlled. It should be an experience that is predictable and only puts our bodies under moderate levels of stress. For example; taking a child to a sports event that they are worried about or performing in a play. This type of stress will be tolerable and temporary, leading to increased resilience.
At the other end of the stress scale is toxic stress; this is a stress that increases a child (or adults) vulnerability. It is a situation that lacks control or planning; it is being in a situation that is unpredictable, could be prolonged or with no set end point. This sort or stress has a toxic impact on a person and can increase anxiety and vulnerabilities.
I’ve recently been working with schools to develop their behaviour policies and with this in mind I’ve been looking at how we can support all children and how behaviour really is only the tip of the iceberg.
How do we know when a child is simply misbehaving and when their behaviour is caused by stress?
How often do we see the kicking, screaming, biting and hitting as the problem? Do we remember that this is the output but not look at why this is their reaction or if they are in control of their reaction.
When a child is reacting in a way that we, as adult, deem inappropriate what is the reason behind it? Is it a reaction that they can control and change or is it a reaction they have no control over because at that moment they are de-regulated and unable to see clearly?
Whilst researching this I stumbled across a model by Juliet Young and what instantly hit me was that it is not just about the tip of the iceberg or even the part of the iceberg that is hidden under the surface it’s also about all the other factors that influence a child’s behaviour.
With this image in mind, I began to relate it to Dr. William Glasser’s 5 cups of basic needs and reflected upon how important it is for the children (and adults) that we work with for these to be filled each day. If our cups are not being topped up at some point we will find them empty, and this is when we lose the ability to function properly. Let’s look at those 5 cups in more detail:
Love and belonging
We know the brain science behind attachment and know the importance of feeling like we belong, feeling that we are loved, respected and safe. It’s so importantly that children have secure relationships where they feel safe and friendships that allow them to grow and thrive. These relationships allow children to develop sharing and cooperation skills and test their boundaries in a safe and secure environment.
Power
Throughout life we all need to develop new skills, to build upon the blocks we have already learned and secured. It’s important that in life children experience success and recognition of their achievements whether it is through sport, music, art, drama or academics. It’s important that children’s achievements are recognised and celebrated.
Fun
Throughout our lives it is essential that we have fun; when we are having fun our bodies release happy feelings which support good mental health and wellbeing. We must ensure that all children experience a fullness of life where through their education the laugh, learn, grown and change and that their lives are rich with enjoyment.
Survival
Survival is a primal instinct. From our caveman days we have had a built in instinct to survive. To be able to function in a regulated way children need sufficient food and water; they also need a safe, warm place to live. It’s essential that children’s medical needs are met and that they are well looked after, they need relaxation opportunities and stimulation.
Freedom
At a time when we have experienced covid lockdowns and Europe is more unstable than it has been in 50 years it’s essential that children experience freedom; freedom to make choices and mistakes. Freedom from the constraints of their daily life and the freedom to make decisions in a supported environment. Freedom to play and freedom to learn.
As educationalists how do we ensure that all children have these needs met? How do we address and raise up the barriers for young people?
Nine out of ten times when we see the story behind behaviour it will break our hearts and with that in the forefront of our minds as educationalist. We must look at how we interpret behaviour from the moment our students enter our classroom because the way in which we interpret their behaviour impacts the way in which we behave in different situations. The way we interpret a situation not only impacts the way in which we communicate with a child, it impacts our body language towards them too. The way in which we communication and talk to a child impacts the child’s view of us and themselves. Therefore; our initial reaction and response to a situation is imperative, because it isn’t that stressed children won’t learn it’s that they simply cannot learn when under that level of stress.
When we are thinking about stress, success and behaviour a useful model to support our understanding is ‘The Window of Tolerance’
When a child is working within their window of tolerance they are able to regulate their behaviour and feelings and thus learn, play and interact in an appropriate manner with their peers and adults. When a child moves out of their window – whether that be in a positive or negative way they are no longer able to think clearly and control their actions and emotions. This could be through panic, anger, anxiety or at the other end of the scale through over excitement and joy!
As educationalist it’s essential that we can differentiation between these and understand triggers for the children we are working with. With these triggers in mind, we are more readily available to support each child.
So; whatever we do it is essential that we think and act as if every child is the most important person in that moment. Every child we work with deserves to have people around them that support and understand them. If we can see and support their early triggers, we can, over time, support children with their own coping strategies and help them to support their own self-regulation. As educationalists we must be the advocate for each and every child we meet – we do not know how their morning started or what they have already been through before they get to us. But what we do know is that if we keep this in mind, we can and will make a difference.
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